The Roller-coaster Ride

This is the one crazy ride I am more scared of getting off than getting on.

The hardest thing for me to deal with is rejection but what's harder is dealing with a feeling that you know that is there but can not be. Hoping is one. But knowing is something else. It's like knowing that a fruit is sweet but you can't eat it. It's throwing away something that you haven't even held yet.

I can only string along long enough. And I am not sad about the pain. I am sad about what we could have had but not having the strength to take it. And as tears fall down my face I realize I am not ready to let go... so I'll string along as far as I can. And I am not expecting anything back or anything more than this. I just wanna give it to you. Not because you deserve it but because I just simply want to. So when you tell me my stop is coming soon, it already came too many times. I just chose to push that start button every single time.

So where do we go from here? Nothing is ever certain... but the certainty of nothingness is so palpable I feel like I can touch pain itself.

Nya... Sige pa ta ani?


Location: Loay, Philippines

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